Tomorrow is my first prenatal appointment with Dr. Goldman since we received our news. I feel bad for the guy because I feel like I have a zillion questions for him. Hopefully we will get some more answers to help with this process. We are also scheduled to get another ultrasound before the appointment, and I am more nervous for this one than I have been the whole pregnancy. I keep telling myself that nothing can happen that I have not already expected, but it is so scary. One of the problems with T-13 is that the two hemispheres in the brain do not form, basically making the baby brain dead. I feel that if we get this news, we are going to take 100 steps backwards. Right now, things are going well, and I have learned some things about myself that I had no idea of before. One, I am a lot stronger than I gave myself credit for. No one would ever imagine that they would ever have to go through this, but when we received the results about Adalyn's diagnosis, I have been thinking things that I never would have thought that I would have. Despite all of this, I have somehow been able to find peace and a positive attitude. This would not be possible without my faith, and especially my amazing husband. After 10 years of being together I thought I knew him so well. I have found out though how strong he truly is and how big his heart really is. He is the one that reminds me everyday that things are going to be okay, and that we are going to enjoy each and every moment that we get with Adalyn, even if it's only another few months. Without him, I do not think I could get through this. If you are reading this Mark Daniel, you are my rock and my world... thank you.
Another thing that I have discovered is how loved we are. The people that have stepped up to show is how much they care about us have been amazing. No one is quite sure what to say to us, but I tell them the thing that matters the most is that they are there. We do not need words or physical objects, what we need is the comfort in knowing that we are not alone, and that we have people praying for us. That is what gives us strength. In the past couple weeks I have found it very hard to sleep, because my mind has been going a million miles an hour. One thing that has crossed my mind constantly is, am I going to have to bury my daughter? The thought that she may get through this gives me hope, but on the other hand, I can not stop thinking that I am going to have to plan a funeral or some sort of memorial for our daughter. To think that I may have to watch her die or that she will not be born alive is what scares me the most. No parent should EVER have to bury their children. They should be burying their parents at an old age. But, for some reason, God has chosen us to go through this. Pastor Cynthia helped me to have some peace with this subject, and told me that when the time comes, we will know what to do. Somehow I know that this is true.
I have been reading another blog about a mother and her daughter that has Trisomy 18, which is similar to T-13 but what we have is less common. The baby's name is Nora, and her mother has documented everything from the moment they heard the terrible news. Her blog is what gave me my inspiration, and I can only pray that as much positive influence comes from this as what has come from hers. Her blog is titled "I Will Carry You" and those words are what I have been using. To think that I have chosen to save my daughter's life and to love her unconditionally, is what gets me through this. I will continue to post my experiences and emotions in hopes that good things come from all of this.
Here are a few bible verses that I have found helpful in this journey so far:
For I know the plans I have for
you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future.
Isaiah 40:31
But those who hope in the LORD will
renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will
run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
Blessings to you. My child is living with full trisomy 13. She is now 11 yrs and just said 3 words this last weekend. So very exciting for us. She walks with help and she is very well adjusted as special needs kids go. She has a very happy spirit. You will learn to marvel at every little miracle, as they are all miracles of life. If you have not already, please interconnect with the livingwithtrisomy.org community http://www.livingwithtri13.org They are also on facebook. https://www.facebook.com/groups/Trisomy13/
ReplyDeleteNever loose hope... God will Give you the Grace you need for this Journey.
You will be in our prayers as you continue on this prenatal journey.
A woman I know once told me, "God gives you the grace You need for Your situation--He doesn't give it to anyone else."
ReplyDeleteHer situation was a lot different than yours (her husband died in a car accident, leaving her with 3 kids in middle-to-high school...though she since remarried & adopted two more wonderful kids :-), but when she first told me that, I found it very comforting: God's grace & strength isn't some generic allotment --like everyone gets X amount per day. No! It's very specific for *every* person, for every situation.
And it's neat to read how you're experiencing that for yourselves. <3