Happy Birthday Adalyn May!

Happy Birthday Adalyn May!

One year ago today you came into this world. From that day we got the huge surprise of the positive pregnancy test even while I sit here contemplating what to write, I can say without a doubt that our lives have forever been changed.

I have been thinking about this day for a while now, and as I thought about it I was trying to anticipate how I would handle it. Would I be able to get out of bed in the morning? Would I be able to make it through a full day of work? Well, I sit here right now with a vast amount of mixed emotions. Of course I am sad and continue to grieve our sweet angel girl, but I also sit here with an amazing amount of joy. When we first found out the diagnosis of Trisomy 13, I was so angry and in disbelief that something that horrible could happen to us. Over the last year I have come to take those feelings back. God did not take our little girl to spite us, he BLESSED us with her. 

Just knowing that He chose us to bring her into the world gives me joy. In Romans 5:3-5 it says: 

3 Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 5 and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

I can say without a doubt that we are both better people, better in our relationship, and better in our relationship with Christ. We have grown so much because she was given to us.

Of course not everything about our sweet angel's diagnosis is all peaches and cream, because I still wake up every single day missing her and wishing she was there. We have conversations all the time about what she would be doing today if she were here. Would she be walking already? Probably, because she has her daddy's genes in there. Everytime we walk through the stores and see princess toys or adorable girl's clothes we get a little envious and sad that we can not buy these things for her. We will never be able to buy her tutus or princess clothes, and will never be able to sign her up for soccer or even dance. I think about these things every day.

But then, when I think of these things I still remind myself how blessed we are and how one day in the future we will be able to spend eternity with her and do whatever we want with her. Maybe we will have a family soccer game or eat blueberry softserve ice cream as much as we want. We will get to see her without an ounce of pain or suffering, and she will be her perfect self. Until then, she will be our guardian angel.

For anyone that we do not talk to or see regularly, I am happy to announce that our sweet Adalyn is going to be a big sister. Her little brother is due February 8 of next year. She will have her hands full watching out for him that's for sure. 

I also want to give a big thank you to those of you who follow this blog and who have supported us through prayer or kind words. We are so blessed to have the people that we do in our lives. We continue to ask for prayers as we miss our sweet girl daily and also for her brother to be healthy and safe. Thank you all from the bottom of our hearts.

Making Beautiful Things Out of Dust...

"All this pain..
I wonder if I'll ever find my way.
I wonder if my life could really change, at all.
All this earth..
Could all that is lost ever be found?
Could a garden come up from this ground, at all?"

A wonderful friend recently sent me a CD called "Addy's Mix" in the mail. She also lost her daughter not long after we did, and told me that she listens to these songs when she is feeling down to help pick her up. The above lyrics are from a song called "Beautiful Things" by a band called Gungor. This song is on that CD... and I have been putting it on repeat every time I get in my car. The lyrics have really touched me and I have felt God telling me there is a reason I have been stuck on this song...

You see, I have been struggling more than I realized lately and have had a heavy heart. I had thought that the grief would get better over time... but it hasn't. Things are supposed to get easier over time, are they not? Instead, I find myself thinking of our little girl all the time and wondering what she would be doing right now. I see pictures of friends' babies who have reached milestones such as turning three months old. I am excited for them, but at the same time I catch myself thinking "Adalyn would be three months today..." or "she should have been in that family picture...". I know that grief effects everyone differently, and for me, it is going to get harder before it gets easier.

That is why I decided to post this.... for all of you who have been suffering or who have suffered at one point in your life. I tell myself everyday that there are countless others who have lost a child or who have been suffering lately. I am not the only one. But we can do something with this suffering. Instead of waking up everyday and thinking of the "what ifs" and letting it bring us down, we can use our pain. 

Recently, we had a guest speaker at church, who did a sermon solely on suffering and titled it "A Life and Death Matter". She talked about James 1:1-18, which is about trials and temptations.   

² Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. ⁵ If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. ⁶ But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. ⁷ That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. ⁸ Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.
⁹ Believers in humble circumstances ought to take pride in their high position. ¹⁰ But the rich should take pride in their humiliation—since they will pass away like a wild flower. ¹¹ For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich will fade away even while they go about their business.
¹² Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.
¹³ When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; ¹⁴ but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. ¹⁵ Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.
¹⁶ Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. ¹⁷ Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. ¹⁸ He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.

"The testing of your faith produces perseverance...." God is using these trials to make you stronger! "Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial, because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life..." Anyone who is going through a trial right now might not feel very blessed or feel very loved. But ultimately, you are blessed! These trials in your life are put there to make you stronger, so that you may use them to help others and to draw nearer to the Lord. One definition of the word blessed is: divinely or supremely favored; fortunate. We are given these trials because He knows that we can get through them with His help. In the end, you will come out stronger and a better person if you rely on Him. Do not let this suffering go to waste or bring you down.... use it to come out stronger and better. As it says in verse 12... that person will receive the CROWN OF LIFE.... 

The rest of the Gungor song sums it up: 
You make beautiful things,
You make beautiful things out of dust.
You make beautiful things,
You make beautiful things out of us.


All around,
Hope is springin up from this old ground.
Out of chaos, life is being found in You.


You make me new,
You are making me new.
You make me new,
You are making me new. (making me new.)

Happy Holidays!

It has been a few weeks since I last posted on here and even though Adalyn is no longer with us on earth, I thought I would continue to update our blog so that her story can continue to touch others' lives. I have been having a lot of thoughts flooding my mind lately so here goes nothing....

Well, the holidays are officially here! For those of you who know me personally, I do not have to remind you what this means to me... but for those of you reading this who I have not had the privilege of meeting, I will sum it up in one sentence: I LOVE CHRISTMAS! Of course the pretty decorations, gorgeous light displays, delicious food, and wonderful music are all really nice... but that is not my favorite thing about this season. It is the Christmas spirit that rapidly spreads through so many people that I enjoy. Everyone seems to be a little bit happier and nicer during these times. People are in a more giving spirit and want to help others more around Christmas! This is where the Advent Conspiracy comes into play. What is the Advent Conspiracy you may ask? Here is the link: Advent Conspiracy. Okay okay I know it sounds like a promotional ad, but this is something that means a lot to me. If everyone were to buy a little less and give a little more, the world would be a much better place!

To change the subject, I do want to spend a little time talking about our family. A lot of people have been telling us that they are still praying for us, which means the world. It has been almost 10 weeks since our precious angel's birthday. We still miss her every second of every day, and will never stop missing her. It has been a journey of ups and downs, and I know that we will continue to face obstacles in the times to come. We still pray for Him to give us strength all the time, because we are human and will hurt some days worse than others. We continue to grieve in our own ways, and will always grieve for our little girl. 

Even though I am so excited that it is the Christmas season, it just is not the same this year as it has been in the past. This holiday season is probably going to be the hardest. It definitely has already started to get hard. It started with Halloween... when we realized that we were not going to be able to dress our little girl in the lady bug costume that we had in mind for her. When we first found out she was due before Halloween, we were so excited that we were going to be able to dress her up in an itty bitty costume. Baby lady bugs are just so cute! 

Thanksgiving.... it was definitely a little hard, because we both knew that someone was missing. It was a mixture of emotions that day as we sat around with all of our friends and enjoyed each others' company. We have so many things to be thankful for, and we will always praise Him for all of the things that he has blessed us with. We have an amazing group of people in our lives who I thank God for every day. Our friends and family have been our rock this last year, and we do not know where we would be without them. We also live in an awesome city and have gotten an experience that we will cherish forever. I could go on about all of the things we are thankful for.. but the main thing is Adalyn May. We are so thankful for the time that we had with her and to know that we will one day be reunited with her. We can not wait to get to hold her and hug her again! So even though I have been angry several times this past year, it is safe to say that we are so blessed. I pray that you will also look back and see all of the things that God has blessed you with in your life. Even the small things.... be sure to thank Him for being so merciful and loving!

 Today it really hit me hard when we were out buying our Christmas tree and started setting it up. I realized that we will never get to take Addy to help pick out a Christmas tree. She will never get to help hang ornaments while listening to Christmas music and drinking eggnog (family tradition). We will never be able to take her to get her picture with Santa, or dress her in a beautiful Christmas dress. We will also never get to see her face on Christmas morning as she opens up her gifts from Santa. For the longest time I had been looking forward to starting a family and creating our own traditions every year. I would constantly bug Mark about all of the things I could not wait to do with our children every holiday season. One day we may have other children that we get to do these things with, but we will never get to do them with our little Adalyn. I know that over the years things will get easier, but in my heart I will always think this. 

For now, we just have to remind ourselves that our sweet angel is looking down on us and would want us to be happy and to enjoy this season. Again, it is so bittersweet... knowing that we have been blessed with our little girl, but not getting to do these little things with her as she grows up. There are probably so many people out there who have lost a child like we have, and our also hurting right now. I ask all of you to say a special prayer for these families during this time. 

On a happier note, we would like to welcome Adalyn's new cousin, Gabriel Michael, into our family! Baby Gabe was born last Wednesday at a healthy 8 lbs 6 oz! We are so excited to meet our new nephew this Christmas! I know that Adalyn is looking down and loving her new cousin... she can already start her guardian angel duties! 

Mark and I got to go home for his best friend Jeremy's wedding last month. He was a handsome groomsman!

Mark surprised me last night by taking me downtown to get sushi and to see the Grinch musical! The Grinch is my favorite movie ever... so it was a wonderful surprise!

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month

I have learned a lot of things during this journey, one of them being that we are only one of countless families that have lost a child. Before our lives changed with the devastating diagnosis, we were so oblivious to what was going on around us. I have heard from so many women who have told me about their miscarriages and what they have gone through. They tell me that it is not quite the same as what we have gone through, but it does not matter if it is the same because one way or the other, it is devastating. 

I also hear about friends of friends who have had babies with some kind of illness or trisomy. They have lost their children at some point, and have gone through what Mark and I are going through. I had no idea how many there were until now, and it makes me wonder why God lets these things happen. I know that He probably has a plan in mind for each of these families, but it is hard to think that so many babies have passed away. 

I am writing this post in honor of all of these people who have lost a child or children. No matter what the circumstance, it affects us for the rest of our lives. We will always grieve and remember our children. Even if and when we go on to have other children, we will always think about the ones we have lost, and how they should be growing up right alongside their siblings. Life is not fair, but it is how we handle it and what we make of what is thrown at us that makes us who we are. We have been forever changed, and have become stronger and better people.

As Mark and I still grieve, there have been talks about trying again for another baby. We feel that in some way, it will help our grieving process. To think that one day we will be able to have a healthy baby gives us hope during these times. One thing that crosses our thoughts is what people will think of us if we get pregnant again. Will they think that we are trying to "replace" our little girl? I would hope not... we know that we have so many people who love and will always support us. I recently read a quote that says "I could go on to have 1,000 more children.... but there will always be 1 missing." This is so true... Adalyn will forever be in our hearts and minds, and we will never be trying to "replace" her. We always say that one day Addy will have brothers and sisters, and will be their guardian angel. Grandma Scholz reminded us that she will have her hands full if our children are anything like we were. Get ready Addy!!

"Although we know that after such a loss, the acute stage of mourning will subside, we also know that we shall remain inconsolable and will never find a substitute.  No matter what may fill the gap, even if it be filled completely, it nevertheless remains something else. And actually, this is how it should be. It is the only way of perpetuating that love which we do not want to relinquish". -Sigmund Frued

Update..

First off, I want to thank everyone who read my last post and prayed for these two families. I know they appreciated the prayers, and will appreciate even more prayers as they continue to go through their journeys. 

I will start off with an update on the Romito family. Little Robbie had his open heart surgery last Thursday to fix his precious little heart. The surgery was a success and he is recovering wonderfully! Every day he gets stronger and they get closer to bringing him home. God is so good!! I am sure they will appreciate more prayers that he continues to get better everyday :-)

The other family I asked for prayers is the Davis family. Little Kinsley was born last Wednesday around 4:00 p.m. and survived 39 minutes. They had 39 precious minutes with their beautiful girl before she went to go see Jesus. Please pray for comfort, peace, and strength for Katie and Josh as they continue on this journey until the day they are reunited with their little girl. It has been a bittersweet journey that both of our families have been on, as we have been blessed with beautiful little angels, yet we only had a short time with them. I know that Adalyn was there to greet little Kinsley, along with their friend Harrison Mummert. These three precious angels will probably be best friends and will be there waiting for us when we finally get to be reunited.

Thank you everyone for your prayers and support. These two families, along with Mark and I, are forever grateful for people like you who have been there for us. 

Update on our family: 

Mark and I spent two wonderful weeks back in Dayton with friends and family. We were surrounded by love and support the entire time. Thank you everyone for blessing us with lots of love and comfort! We are now home, and we brought someone back with us. Little miss Roxy made the 14 hour trip back to Boston! She is our 50 lb mutt who is full of energy. We will definitely keep busy with her!

We will continue to post updates on our family, as we have both heard our calling to use our precious Addy May to show God's love and grace. I am not sure exactly how he wants to continue to use us, but I pray that He will lead us on this journey. Thank you all again for helping us on it... we are so blessed!

Urgent Prayer Request

Prayer Request #1:

Over the last several months I have met new people who are on or who have been on the same type of journey that Mark and I are on. We are members of a community that is called Living With Trisomy 13, where we can meet people who have had or currently have children with trisomy 13. One relationship that we have developed is with a young couple from Arizona, who found out about four weeks after me and Mark that their little girl has full trisomy 13. Her name is Kinsley, and her parents are Katy and Josh. They are an awesome family and we have grown close over the last few months as we have gone through this journey together.

I got a text message around 1 a.m. last night that said her water broke and Kinsley is coming. She is currently only 35 weeks, but we are praying that their hopes and prayers get answered and they get to at least meet their little girl. I know how much it would mean for them to get to hold her while she has a heartbeat, but if it is not in God's plan then I ask for prayers for comfort and strength for them. 

Please pray for their family during this time that they receive comfort and great care, and pray for their little girl Kinsley.  

Prayer Request #2:

When I found out I was pregnant and decided to tell all my best friends back home about it at six weeks (we could not wait any longer), that SAME exact night my best friend Fiona also announced that she was PREGNANT. We were due less than a week apart... how crazy is that?! 

Her little boy Robert (Robbie) was born last Thursday. Everything was going great until about 30 seconds after he came out he stopped breathing. They originally thought it was just fluid that he could not get out, but when they did further tests they discovered he has a severe heart defect. His arteries were not hooked up to the correct part of his heart.

After transferring him to Cincinnati Children's Hospital, they have been waiting to find out when he is to get surgery. The surgery board met yesterday and decided that his surgery will be tomorrow. PLEASE pray for Robbie to get through his surgery, and for his parents to stay strong. Also pray for the Lord to guide the doctor's hands through this surgery.


Philippians 4:6-7 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 1:3

"I thank my God every time I remember you." ~ Philippians 1:3

It has been two weeks since the bittersweet day that we got to spend with our precious angel, Adalyn May. For all of you that have been following our story, I want you to know that we are still going strong. God has blessed us with the strength to continue on this journey and to spread the amazing story of our beautiful and wonderful little girl. 

A few days after her birth, we had a small memorial/celebration in honor of Addy. A friend of ours who is the young adult pastor at our church prepared a short but sweet service for us. Both sets of parents were there along with a couple friends we have grown close to this past year. The funeral home that we were working with picked her up from the hospital and got her cremated (at no cost). They bought a heart urn to put her ashes in and then we put that in a teddy bear. They told us they actually had to use two urns because she would not fit in one urn... Mark made the comment that she continues to be her stubborn self! We brought the bear to the service and placed her on the beautiful blankets that her grandmother's made for her. Everything was perfect and we are very thankful for everyone who aided in this process.

That Sunday we decided to make the trip home (Dayton, Ohio) to spend time with family and friends. Surrounding ourselves with people who love us and support us has helped to renew our strength. On Sunday, we got to go back to the church that we were members at before we moved. They invited our entire family up to the front during the service to receive prayer, and after service others from the church prayed for me and Mark. We definitely felt His presence during this time and we were also encouraged by what we heard from the members. 

Being told that we have inspired people and made an impact on others' lives gave us so much encouragement and inspiration to continue on this journey. So many people told us how much of an impact our precious Adalyn made on their life, and will continue to make. We also heard that we have helped to be a poster child for anti-abortion. To know that our story may save a child's life in the future reminds me of part of the reason our little girl was given to us. 

On Friday, I met up with friends for our old ritual of dinner at El Toro. It used to be a weekly routine to get together there once a week to catch up with friends. A few of them gave us some gifts in memory of Addy. One of the gifts was a beautiful photo album that had Adalyn's name engraved on it along with Philippians 1:3. This verse says "I thank my God every time I remember you." It was the perfect verse and could not have been said more perfectly. Every night since she was born, Mark and I spend some time talking to Adalyn before we go to bed. I make sure to tell her how proud I am to be her mommy and how thankful I am that she is mine. We also say a prayer thanking God for our perfect little girl.

Of course we are still grieving, and will continue to grieve for our precious angel for a long time, but we are still at peace and extremely thankful that she was put in our lives. I constantly tell Mark how much I miss her and wish that I could hold her in my arms. I will always wish that we could watch her grow up and see what kind of amazing woman she becomes. We will not get to see who was right in our argument about whether she becomes a goalie like her dad or a forward like her mom. Or whether she even plays soccer for that matter! I will never get to watch Mark walk her down the aisle for her wedding or dance with her for the father/daughter dance after. All of these things make me sad and angry at times, but I will never regret a single memory we have with her. I know that Adalyn was created for us and given to us for a reason, and we will always cherish that. We will forever be her parents and will forever love her. One day we will have brothers and sisters for her, and she will get to be their guardian angel. Grandma Scholz said that she will have her hands full with that, since their daddy was such a trouble maker from the start!

We cannot wait to be reunited with our Addy May and to get to do the things we would have done on this earth together. Until that day we are reunited with our little girl, we will continue to take every day one day at a time, and will always ask for prayers for strength. "I can do everything through Him who gives me strength" ~ Philippians 4:13. 

On another note, Mark came up with an idea to help keep Adalyn's memory alive. We designed some wrist bands to wear in memory of her. They have her name and birthday in pink writing (for our little princess). For those of you who I see or will see, if you would like one please feel free to let me know. They even glow in the dark (of course Addy wants to make a statement!)