Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month

I have learned a lot of things during this journey, one of them being that we are only one of countless families that have lost a child. Before our lives changed with the devastating diagnosis, we were so oblivious to what was going on around us. I have heard from so many women who have told me about their miscarriages and what they have gone through. They tell me that it is not quite the same as what we have gone through, but it does not matter if it is the same because one way or the other, it is devastating. 

I also hear about friends of friends who have had babies with some kind of illness or trisomy. They have lost their children at some point, and have gone through what Mark and I are going through. I had no idea how many there were until now, and it makes me wonder why God lets these things happen. I know that He probably has a plan in mind for each of these families, but it is hard to think that so many babies have passed away. 

I am writing this post in honor of all of these people who have lost a child or children. No matter what the circumstance, it affects us for the rest of our lives. We will always grieve and remember our children. Even if and when we go on to have other children, we will always think about the ones we have lost, and how they should be growing up right alongside their siblings. Life is not fair, but it is how we handle it and what we make of what is thrown at us that makes us who we are. We have been forever changed, and have become stronger and better people.

As Mark and I still grieve, there have been talks about trying again for another baby. We feel that in some way, it will help our grieving process. To think that one day we will be able to have a healthy baby gives us hope during these times. One thing that crosses our thoughts is what people will think of us if we get pregnant again. Will they think that we are trying to "replace" our little girl? I would hope not... we know that we have so many people who love and will always support us. I recently read a quote that says "I could go on to have 1,000 more children.... but there will always be 1 missing." This is so true... Adalyn will forever be in our hearts and minds, and we will never be trying to "replace" her. We always say that one day Addy will have brothers and sisters, and will be their guardian angel. Grandma Scholz reminded us that she will have her hands full if our children are anything like we were. Get ready Addy!!

"Although we know that after such a loss, the acute stage of mourning will subside, we also know that we shall remain inconsolable and will never find a substitute.  No matter what may fill the gap, even if it be filled completely, it nevertheless remains something else. And actually, this is how it should be. It is the only way of perpetuating that love which we do not want to relinquish". -Sigmund Frued