September 18, 2012: Happy Birthday Adalyn May

Adalyn May: Our Precious Heavenly Angel

48 hours ago our precious and most perfect little girl came into this world. Although her heart was not beating and her spirit was not there, Mark and I were at peace and were so happy to be holding our Addy May. 

 Around four and a half months ago, Mark and I were so angry, heartbroken, and confused. We repeatedly thought, why us? How could something like this happen to such a young, happy couple? Last night as Mark and I were laying in bed talking about how beautiful and perfect our little girl was and is (I will get more into that later), almost everything came into place for me. This is exactly where Mark and I are supposed to be. Everything that has happened in the last several months has been for a specific reason and I have never heard God speak to me so clearly in my entire life. Adalyn May was perfectly designed and made for us. He had a very specific plan for our family and this calling has never been more clear to us.

Adalyn has already touched so many lives and will continue to touch many more. The 37 weeks that we were given with her were so amazing that I would NEVER regret a single decision that we made. We got to know her personality long before she was born... our little dancing soccer player who was stubborn and had attitude (sounds familiar). Every single kick, punch, and dance party that we got to feel and watch will be remembered for the rest of our lives. We are so happy to know that she is now in heaven and will be able to play soccer and have as many dance parties as she wants. Mark and I will have to practice our soccer skills so that we can give her at least some competition when we get to meet her!

If not for our faith Mark and I would not be in the position we are in today. To know that she has already gotten to be held by Jesus and that she is being spoiled by all of her grandparents and family that are up there is the most comforting thing for us. She will be waiting for us and Mark and I will be counting down the days until we get to meet her and hold her again. I also hope that this message will get to countless others so that you can see that with God, anything is possible. Yes, we are still heartbroken and miss our precious little girl dearly, but we have an amazing sense of peace and comfort. We have a huge hill to climb but we know that things can only get better and we will get though this with God and prayers. 

PRAYER... the one word that we have heard and used countless times during this pregnancy. We never truly knew the full power of that word until Monday night when we got that terrible news. Let this be a testimony to how amazing and powerful prayer really is. I am sitting here today writing this with a total sense of peace and we know that we are so blessed to have Adalyn as our little girl and to be where we are today. I know that I have said it before, but I will say it again... THANK YOU to everyone who has said a prayer for our family. Words can not truly express how thankful we are to have had all the support that we have been given over the last several months. Of course we will continue to ask for prayer so that we can continue to stay strong through the tough times that are still to come. We know that we will have our good days and our bad days but with prayer, we will get through them.

So, this is the point where I tell you about the last few days and how we got to where we are now. On Monday, September 17, I started to have some real signs of labor. Somehow, I remained calm and called my doctor's office. Since I had not felt movement for about a week, they thought it may be a good idea to go into the hospital just to be safe. Mark got off of work and we made our way there Monday night. That is where we got the worst news we will probably ever get. The nurse spent about five minutes trying to find a heartbeat, and there was a couple times we thought we may have heard something faint, so we were trying to stay positive. After the doctor came in and did an ultrasound, we then realized that faint heartbeat was probably just my heart pounding so hard. The words that I had been dreading ever since the day we found out about her diagnosis were said: "there is no heartbeat". She had said that with how low the fluid levels were Adalyn had probably been gone for several days. 

To think that she had passed already and that we were not going to get to hold her and feel her beating heart tore us to pieces. I was so angry that I was not going to get to hear her cry or feel the warmth of her body. Surprisingly, I sit here today and tell you that we are okay with how everything happened. To know that she was not going to have to suffer and that she passed away while in the comfort of my womb helped us be more at peace. The fact that we did not have to watch her take her final breath was in a way, easier. 

We ended up going home that night and decided to come back Tuesday morning since I was not far enough in labor, and it also gave our parents time to get up here. Before I forget, I want to stop myself and also let you know that my platelets were at 479,000! Higher than they have ever been... thanks to all of your prayers and my wonderful doctors. Okay, back to where I was... I woke up at 5 am Tuesday morning and my contractions had gotten to be five minutes apart. So, we headed to the hospital a little early. To fast forward a little, I will skip the gory (and painful) labor part.

1:30 p.m..... Adalyn May came into this world. Our nurse, Hope, who was the most wonderful person and nurse I have ever met, took her and gave her a bath for us. After wrapping her up she brought her out for us to meet her. Of course, she warned us that there were a few things to get ready for. She said that her nose got a little smooshed because she had been gone for a few days, her eyes were more like slits, and she was also "softer" since she had not been alive for a little bit. Despite these things and the blood that was coming out of her mouth, we could not have had a more perfect and beautiful baby girl. Yeah yeah.. I know that I am her mommy and I am biased, but I will tell you, she really was perfect. To think that there were so many things that were internally "messed up" you would have never known it!

Her hands.... she had my long "piano playing" fingers (or chicken feet as Mark calls them). They were the cutest things I had ever seen. Oh, and she also had her daddy's crooked pinky finger!

Her feet.... she also had the cutest little feet! We were wondering why her one foot was a little curled, but when her Grandma Cathy came into the room and saw them she instantly shouted "she has Mark's feet!" Apparently that is exactly how her daddy's feet were when he was born.. imagine that! 

Her cheeks... I just wanted to pinch her cheeks because they were so stinkin' cute! They were not that "chubby" but they were adorable.

These are just some of the things that were perfect about her, but I will not spend too much time talking about it.. I do not want to brag too much! So, to sum things up, Mark and I are the happiest parents and are so blessed to have such an amazing family. We got to spend a long time taking turns holding our little girl, and we also got LOTS of pictures. We will ALWAYS cherish that time that we got with her, and I will ALWAYS remember every little feature on her perfect little face until the day that we are reunited in heaven. Thank you again for all of the prayers and the AMAZING support that we have received over the last several months and continue to receive to this day. We would not be here today without our faith, friends, and family. I love you all....

Shortly after her birth... feelings of complete joy and also of grief overwhelmed us.

This was the one thing that I have been looking forward to for as long as I can remember... seeing Mark as a dad and holding his little girl. He was SO PROUD and happy. Never have I seen so much love on someone's face than I did when he was holding her.

You can kind of see her long fingers and adorable hands..

Holding her in my arms was the best feeling in the world... those 9 months of pregnancy and the labor pains were well worth it.

Our precious angel... Adalyn May.

Proud parents!

 

Her cute feet!! Totally her daddy's.. although his are NOT cute!

Proud grandparents.. Adalyn could not have been blessed with more amazing grandparents than them. We are so thankful... we would not be where we are today if it were not for them!

Post Treatment Update

It has been a couple of days since my last treatment, but I wanted to post an update about it. I started the IVIG on Sunday, and when I went back Monday I got a CBC to check my levels. Well... they were up to 117,000. My doctor was very happy that it had already started working within 24 hours. I got my second treatment Monday, but I will not know my levels until next Tuesday. We are just praying that this treatment works, and my levels stay up at least until Adalyn comes. Thank you all again for your support and prayers.

Update 9/7

Update:
 
After going back and forth trying to get a hold of my hematologist (apparently he's very busy) we figured out a treatment plan. I am going to get a treatment called IVIG or Intravenous Immunoglobulin. It is an IV treatment that I get over a period of two days, starting Sunday. I guess it is safe for pregnancy and should not have a lot of side effects. My doctor seemed very surprised that my levels dropped so fast, so please pray that they stay up after this treatment. Hopefully I will have a positive update for you next week. Thanks again for the prayers and support.

 

Another Bump.. Already?

As I was packing and cleaning to get ready to move on Saturday, I heard my phone ringing. When I looked at the screen and saw the familiar number, my stomach immediately turned into knots. It was the doctor's office. Tuesday was my prenatal appointment, and I had gotten a CBC to check my platelets while I was there. My doctor had told me to check the results the next day, but I did not think it was necessary because my platelets had been up to 204,000 a week and a half ago. The doctor had been so impressed by my count that he did not want to see me for another seven months. So, when the nurse told me the reason she was calling, my heart stopped. My levels were down to 54,000... 150,000 less than they were a week and a half ago. She told me to call my hematologist right away because I was going to have to get a different treatment.

All I could think while she was telling me this was I was being punished for something. I kept asking, what could I have done to deserve this Lord?! Just a few days ago I posted about being sure to be thankful and counting all of your blessings. How can I follow my own post when I feel like I am being punished? After not being able to sleep last night, I did a lot of thinking. The Lord is not punishing me.. He is merely testing me. It is another bump in the road that is meant to strengthen us. Mark and I are strong, and all of these things are going to make us stronger. We got a newsletter in the mail from friends back home who have a ministry called SHOP (Student House of Prayer) and on the back of it was a note. They told us how great our faith has been and that these things have made us more mature and Christ-like. It was a reminder that the Lord has trusted us with this little girl for a reason. All of the things that He has placed in our lives has been for a reason, and in the end, we will be stronger as a result of this. Hopefully our journey will be a witness to others and He will use us for His glory.

I am currently waiting on a phone call for an appointment with my hematologist, so we still do not know the course of treatment I will need to go on. In the meantime, we are asking for prayers. Please pray for continued strength and that this health issue of mine will not have an impact on Adalyn. Thank you again for your prayers and support. 

Happy birthday daddy!

Yesterday was Mark's birthday, and he informed me that he got the best birthday present ever. Was it the Red Sox hat and t-shirt that I gave him? Nope. Was it the strawberry double layer birthday cake that I labored over for hours? Nope. He told me his present was our little girl. He had been praying for the last few weeks that she could make it until his birthday... and here she is! If you would have asked us a few months ago if we thought that we would be sitting here today, we would have said no. After getting all of the horrible results back from our ultrasounds, we would not have thought it was possible that Adalyn would still be with us today. How dare we doubt our little girl?! How dare we doubt that she does not have her mommy and daddy's stubborn genes?! She is a fighter and a stubborn one at that. So, last night he got to enjoy a cake from his little girl. It is even decorated so terribly and it looks like she could have made it! 

Of course, there is no way I can give all of the credit to our genes and our little girl. We know that none of this would be possible without His glory and grace. Our little girl has been such a blessing, and we have enjoyed every single second of her presence in our lives. We would not be able to do this without God's intervention though. Even though I still get angry that Adalyn has been diagnosed with Trisomy 13, I am reminded every day how blessed we are to have her in our lives. This little angel was given to us for a reason, and we thank Him for that every day. 

The bigger my belly gets, the more people comment on it. Almost every time I come into contact with a stranger they ask me when I am due and if it is a boy or girl. They almost always tell me congratulations and talk about how excited that we must be. Yes, it is hard to participate in these conversations... it always breaks my heart to talk about her like everything is okay and pretend how excited we are for it. Of course I am not going to tell a perfect stranger the real story of what is going on. The reality is that I have been going about it all wrong though. Why shouldn't we be excited?! Why shouldn't we be so happy?! I will be 36 weeks on Thursday and our little girl is still kicking away. Mark and I feel it in our hearts that we are going to get at least a little bit of time with her. Right there is a reason to be excited! Even if we only get a few hours with our little girl we will be so happy. Why would that not be a reason to celebrate? I think this is what God has been trying to tell me when he puts these people in my life. He is reminding me all the time that we SHOULD be excited and happy.

So, whenever you are feeling down or depressed about something, just remember that you DO have something to celebrate. God has given each and every person so many blessings to be thankful for. Maybe it is something as simple as a sunny day or having good health. Whatever is getting you down in your life, just remember to step back and think about all the good things you have in it and rejoice!